Today has been a fairly rant-y day for me, so why stop?
This time my post isn’t all about me. It’s about the people who have insisted on being in my life, and turned out to be habitual liars. Narcissists. Gaslighters. Abusers. Flowering their affections, and meaning not one. single. word. And how they have impacted my life.
Since starting this blog in November, I’ve been reading up on the topics I write about. Sometimes just the way someone words something – even though I have thought the same thing – can be really impactful. Tonight is no different. I found this gem while reading about the types of people listed above, and having experienced these fake friends, I agreed with many of the points listed. (Some language in said article… you’ve been warned!) Heck, I mentally went thru the list and figured out who, of the people I thought fit the bill, were the worst offenders. Some scored pretty high, and the least shady of them only got 50%. Still pretty awful.
Why are people like this?? I guess, maybe it’s a compulsion? This is the only thing they have control of in their lives, and they just need to have this power? Who knows. Admittedly, I have allowed these things to happen. I give people the benefit of the doubt a lot; I want to believe them. I want to give the red flags, warning signs, alarm bells etc., a chance, and accept that it’s likely just me being suspucious. Insecure. Unable to trust.
But these people pick up on that, like a shark can smell blood.
All of all the people (guys and girls) who were on my list- during our friendships/relationships, gave me so many things that didn’t add up. Things that I could prove were lies, beyond a shadow of a doubt. And when confronted with these lies, what happened? Either an amazingly concocted story that they conveniently forgot to include initially, one that explains everything away. Brand new details introduced. Or, flat out telling me I’m wrong. Absolute denial, even when confronted with the truth. Or, changing the subject. Even trying to make me feel stupid for “assuming” the worst. Telling me that bringing it up is getting old. Making me feel like this is my fault for not believing them.
Well, I have allowed people like this to waste a collective 16 years of my life. They get to walk away with no regard for any destruction they’ve left behind, and each time I trust less and less.
The only thing I can thank these people for, is that I am slowly (finally!) beginning to trust my instincts. So many things I proved to myself, and realized that I was right all along. Eventually the inconsistencies built up enough to help me make that decision to leave. Feeling so angry about how rotten someone seemingly great turned out to be, helps me not to dwell on all the things I miss about them.
I guess I still don’t get it. When you confide in someone your life goals, and they seem on board – then one year, or 3, or 10 years later, you’re at square one and they never meant anything they said.
I’m not angry about this currently, (really! Just very contemplative) and I am becoming less and less angry in general- but I know there are so many people going through this with a friend, partner, co-worker, whatever – and I know how hard it was to walk away. But now, I refuse to waste any more of my precious time. I refuse to not be the strong woman and mother that my kids need, because of someone elses choices.
As the linked article mentions at the end, it’s time to thrive and be who I was meant to be.
Goodnight everyone ❤